42.
A man joined a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone
- "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded
- "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
- "No," replied the trainee.
- "It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
- "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" The trainee shouted back
- "No." replied the CEO indignantly.
- "Good!" the trainee replied, and put down the phone.
43.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and here is the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
44.
A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded:
- “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied:
- “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer answered back:
- “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything!”
The old farmer smiled and said:
- “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked:
- “What is the NC three-Kick Rule?”
The farmer replied:
- “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said:
- “Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it’s my turn.”
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said:
- “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
45.
A girl says to her doctor, “You have to help me. I hurt all over.”
She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, “Ow! That hurts.”
She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, “Ow! Even that hurts.”
The doctor says, “Are you a natural blonde?”
She replied, “Yes.”
The doctor says, “You have a sprained finger.”
Nếu các bạn có những truyện cười khác, xin các bạn gửi về cho chúng tôi: Hướng Dương txđ
Trở lại Đầu Trang |
