138.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!
139.
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
140.
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be **cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"*
141.
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband **opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. Don't move until I tell you,"
she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."
142.
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked,
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
143.
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside He looked up and said weakly,
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to." his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
145.
An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.
"How long it took you to catch them?" The American asked.
"Only a little while." The Mexican replied.
"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The American then asked.
"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs." The Mexican said.
"But," The American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, señor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats."
"Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But señor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, señor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions, señor? Then what?"
The American said slowly, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos…"
Nếu các bạn có những truyện cười khác, xin các bạn gửi về cho chúng tôi: Hướng Dương txđ
Trở lại Đầu Trang |
